Living by Design

"...For yesterday is but a dream
And tomorrow only a vision
But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness
And every tomorrow a vision of hope..." - 'Salutation to the Dawn', Kalidasa


I heard someone saying once that 'most people walk though life in a walking daze', and upon thinking about it, that particular idea struck me as very interesting. How much control do we actually exhibit over our own lives? Are we doing the things that we really want to do? Or are we just walking about conforming to the rules, regulations and standards which society places upon us?


There are two ways that we learn in this world - through first hand experience, and socially. In other words, we learn from observing the effects of the things we do ourselves or we learn from other people, and from what they tell us about their own experiences. First hand experience is, well, first hand. Maybe you're trying out something new for the first time, and after observing the effects of one of your actions, you've realized that something horrible has happened. For example, this child will have learnt first hand that it would probably be a good idea to read the manual before building your new IKEA furniture. (Image from here)

First-hand knowledge is how all of us first learn about the world. When you were young, you might have looked at the flame on the stove, decided it'd be fun to touch, and then somehow or other, burn yourself. Thus, from the conclusions you've made about your own experiences in life, you would have (hopefully) learnt that flames can burn. Obviously our ability to learn from our own experiences can extend a great deal further in complexity than learning about fire; this is a nice example.

The thing is, although we all have an amazing ability to learn from our own experiences, one of the major strengths of us as human beings is our ability to learn from each other's experiences -e.g. socially. Have you ever shot yourself in the face? I'll go out on a limb and say that if you're reading this right now, the chances are that you haven't. But despite never having shot yourself in the face, I'd imagine that if I asked you what would happen if you theoretically did, then you would respond suggesting that shooting oneself in the face would very likely lead to death, or permanent tissue damage to your face, among other things. But how do you know this? Most of us personally haven't pulled the trigger on ourselves (on a serious note, if you are thinking about doing it and need help, call 13 11 14) but we know that if we did, it would likely hurt us. I'd make the assumption that we probably learnt this fact from other people - the newspaper report on how a gangland shooting leaves 15 dead/ your teachers telling you never to touch a gun, for it could hurt you, etc. 

How do we know what will happen to us when we drop off a 15-storey building? Have you personally tried it? If I were to tell you that I jumped off a 15-storey building this morning in order to get to the train on time, and I survived just fine, would you believe me? The answer would most likely be no. Even though you mightn't have had the first-hand experience of jumping off a building, you've almost certainly learnt from society and the people around you that it would most likely be against your best interests to do so. We might have attended a physics class, where the teacher tells you that if you were to jump off a building, the gravitational pull of the earth will cause you to accelerate towards the ground, etc., and that depending on how you land, you would most likely damage your body in different ways. And how would your physics teacher know that? Maybe he or she learnt that from their science teacher back in high school, where they themselves got that knowledge off someone else. Nearly all of us 'know' things that we haven't actually gone and tested or proved ourselves. This sort of knowledge is knowledge that we get socially.

So after reading my block of text, you may likely be wondering where this is going. Well, it's not only the information about the world that we get socially/first hand, but also the information about ourselves, and how we are supposed to act. We learn socially about how we are expected to carry ourselves, what we are expected to do, what norms we are expected to follow, and so on and so forth from other people. Think of the last time you did something slightly awkward or out of place around other people? Did you see their looks of disgust on their face? On an even more general scale, think about the clothes you wear, the types of food you eat, the bands that you think are 'cool'. How do you know what is in style? How do you know what is considered trendy? A great deal of our concept of how we think we should live our lives is influenced by social conditioning.

In this day and age we are constantly bombarded by external influences which give us another person's (or group of people's) idea of how we should behave and act. The radio bombards us with music whose content is about anything ranging from ballads on how true love is the only thing that matters, to hit singles about having one-night-stands in the middle of a nightclub. We turn on the television, and many Hollywood films reinforce the idea that the 'good guys' always win and turn out alright, whilst the 'bad guys' always get thrown in jail or end up dying. Disney films often paint an idyllic picture of true love, and express the idea of 'living happily ever after'. We see billboards telling us which brand of beer or model of car will give you the most success with women, our magazines tell us what colour scheme of design of our clothes are 'in', and the advertisements during TV shows tell us what we should buy in order to look cool or please our friends. Think about fashion, and how fashion always changes - my idea of why fashion changes (and I may likely be wrong) is that designers/people want to be different, and try things that haven't been done before. There's nothing wrong with that - and how maybe we've bought a piece of clothing or an accessory just because it was the 'style' right now. How did we know what was in style? Other people. 

We are often conditioned by society to act in certain ways, and believe certain things. iPods are cool. Slurping soup is bad. We shouldn't put our arms on the table. We should get a decent job. Marry. Have children. Buy a new house. Save up for retirement. Buy a new phone. Get life insurance. Get health insurance, and so on and so on.

Am I saying that social conditioning, and learning from other people is bad? Not at all. One of the main reasons that we as human beings are able to achieve all the things that we can is because of our ability to learn socially. If a caveman tells his fellow tribesmen that one type of berry is poisonous to eat, then the rest of his tribe learns that from him, and they are more likely to survive and live longer. We would not be able to function effectively in our society today without learning socially and from other people. But have you heard the old adage that you can't believe everything you hear? Although the world has a lot of knowledge to tell us, and other people's knowledge and opinions can strongly influence us, are we always going to look to other people to tell us what to do and how to think?

I offer the suggestion that it may be an idea to not look to other people to tell us what to think and do. Look at the world though your own set of eyes. Decide for yourself how you want to act, what you think, and what you do. Trust in your ability to judge life's challenges. When you make a decision, do you decide on something because you want it for you, and because the choice will make you happy, or do you do it to please someone else, or because someone else told you it was a good idea? Why assume that absolutely everything that the media/Hollywood/people around you tell you is absolutely correct? We do not have to go through life in a walking daze. I encourage all of us to make decisions and act for ourselves, and for all of us to trust in our own judgement.

Take care,

Eric.

PS: This video offers a beautifully cynical view on marriage and relationships.